I cannot tell you how many times I have been asked, "Are you an introvert or an extrovert?" For years I have never really had a straight answer to that question. I loved my alone time but I also loved my friends. I got antsy when I spent too much time alone, so that must mean I am an extrovert. On the other hand I also got really worn out when I spent too much time with people. For years, I understood being an introvert was being shy, never talking to anyone. They were boring people. Introverts were not the ones with a sense of humor or the ones who liked to go to the movies or hang out with friends. They stayed home curled under a blanket reading a book behind closed doors.
It's no wonder I never wanted to be fully associated with introverts.
On the flip side, extroverts were the life of the party, they knew how to have fun. They would never say "no" to hanging out, no matter what the cost. Extroverts were fun! I wanted to be fun!
I was Homeschooled during high school and I was sure that I was an extrovert. I took every small opportunity I had to be with friends or on the phone with friends. Maybe I was an extrovert, maybe just a teenage girl.
As I went through college I told everyone I was 50% of both. I love people and I love being alone. I never wanted other people to put me in the "Introvert Box" and just write me off as someone who wasn't worth hanging out with.
In the last few years, especially in my first year of marriage I have seen the extroverted side of me dwindle. Looking back on my life through the eyes of an introvert I am not sure that I ever had a thread of extrovert in me. My life had always been built on lots of "me-time" and so I always felt ready to be with friends, I rarely needed to be recharged. I have never loved meeting new people, but I loved and thrived off of quality time with those closest to me. I guess its not surprising that I married a guy I had been friends with for ten years, huh?
I stumbled across an article this week that has caused me to do a lot of processing and has helped bring a lot of answers to "Why am I like this?" questions. Questions like, "Why do I always get so frustrated when I have to sit next to strangers at church?" And "Why do I often feel alone in large groups of people I know?" Oh, Mallory, no big deal, you are an introvert. AND THAT'S OK!
For the first time in my life I am finding joy in being an introvert. Knowing that this is exactly how God made me, and that does not make me boring. I can be an introvert and have a sense of humor. I can be an introvert and love sharing my story in front of a crowd. Being an introvert doesn't mean that I have to sit at home all the time alone, but I don't have to feel guilty if that sounds like the best night ever.
God made me beautifully introverted! He has given me fantastic friendships that complement this part of my personality. I am amazed that it took me so long to figure out that I am not an extrovert. Turns out several friends and my husband have known all along. Whaaaat??? I want to ask them why they never told me, but I know I never would have believed them because of what I always believed about introverts.
Life has been crazy busy the last month, rarely a night where we come straight home from work. Trying to juggle friendships and family obligations has been a really big challenge for both Devin and myself. This last week we realized (maybe I just realized, Dev says he always knew) that we are both introverts and we have to build that into our life somewhere. We have one more week of insanity before we can take a break for a few days to breathe. I cannot wait!
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