I have been casually reading a lot this year. I would love to say that it's been my new year's resolution, but that is a flat out lie. I'm honestly not sure what got me interested in reading so many books this year, but it has been a blast. So far this year I have read F. Scott Fitzgerald's timeless classic The Great Gatsby, Machiavelli's The Prince, Slaughterhouse-Five by Kurt Vonnegut and am currently slowly (read: very slowly) reading through Plato's The Republic.
There are a few observations I have made about these books. First off, it's embarrassing that two of the aforementioned books were required reading for high school, yet I didn't read them then (thank you CliffNotes). Second, the very act of finding a reading list caused me to realize something rather daunting about what masculinity looks like in American society.
You see, when I sought out a good reading list to attempt to read through I happened to stumble upon a pretty solid collection. The troubling part of this was it was in an article on The Art of Manliness' website, which happened to be titled "100 Must-Read Books: The Essential Man’s Library" (http://www.artofmanliness.com/2008/05/14/100-must-read-books-the-essential-mans-library/).
I like browsing The Art of Manliness, don't get me wrong. It's a fun site to peruse, laugh at, learn a little, and it generally speaks to the very essence of what interests men. But that's also the problem, as I see it at least.
The fact that there is a demand for something as small and trivial as a reading list for men tells me that men in modern day society don't know how to be a man anymore. What is most concerning here is: It really speaks to the desperate desire that men have to feel manly. There are iPhone cases that are fashioned to mimic a rugged wood block, Just for Men commercials that make you feel insignificant to society if you have even a hint of gray hair, and countless shows/movies/media displays that pigeonhole us men into thinking we have to act a certain way, say certain things, and participate in certain activities, or else we won't be manly.
But the problem is, we all fail. Even the most powerful men in America are missing the mark, their failure to lead on Capital Hill in DC is reflected by the fact that nearly everybody does not approve of their performance.
To make manhood seem even worse, a fictional cartoon dad is considered influential for "Everyman" (see number 25). Society likes to portray men as goofy, clumsy, unintelligent, and for the most part useless. How many sitcoms have you seen in the last 5 years where the lead male role isn't portrayed by a helpless man who is the butt of everyone else's jokes and is, for the most part? Commercials attempt to reverse this sense of worthlessness by using it to sell their products, think really hard about what the pitch "Gillette - The Best A Man Can Get" really means? I don't know about you, but to me it means "to avoid being as stupid as Homer Simpson, and to be the best man you can possibly be, buy our mass produced products, that'll make you a man for sure!"
And that's where the need for sites such as the Art of Manliness comes in. But the problem is, we're going to the wrong source.
Our most influential male figure was intended to be our dads. We looked up to them for guidance and assistance, and they were there to generally show us how we as men should treat the world around us. But an increasing number of households in this country experience a divorce, meaning time with daddy is minimal at best, and thus we aren't able to learn what it truly means to be a gentleman.
My dad, bless his heart, was a Delta employee meaning he often worked odd hours and even was called to far off places like Rio de Janeiro for weeks at a time. But he always made time for his kids, playing with them in the yard, showing them how to paint a deck, taking them to hockey practice, and basically just being a great family man. Without such a connection to the most influential man in our lives, how are we supposed to know what it means to be a man?
A lack of this contact with such an influential man can most definitely create a void in our manly souls and that's when we seek things that grant us power and acceptance. Some go to strip clubs or watch porn (which in no way makes you either manly or powerful), some try to assert their power by misguided force (in rare cases resulting in headline grabbing acts of violence), while some will find a way to cope with it, living only as a watered down male - essentially a domesticated house cat. The scariest part of my less than scientific hypotheses is: These tendencies will be passed down to the next generation, which can then move to the next and so on.
Men desire leadership, they desire love, they desire attention. But without first learning how to be a man, all of those things will be misguided and lack meaning throughout life. Being a man, despite the stereotypes, still carries a lot of responsibility. Don't let that responsibility go to waste, but instead cherish the opportunity to be the manliest man you can be.
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